30 Things I Learned On The Way to 30
I’m 30 years old baby!!!!!! WHAT A JOURNEY!! You imagine what it’s going to be like to get here and now, I’m here. I invite a new decade of grace, love, miracles and magic into my life!
Over the past 30 years, I have picked up a few things and thought I would share it with you. So….below are 30 things I have learned on the way to 30 xx.
Feel free to drop a comment below :))
Cliches are cliches for a reason. For instance beauty comes from the inside out or you win some you lose some. You in fact will win some and they will be epic. But you will also lose some and sometimes, they will feel earth shattering. BUT it is not the end for you. I promise, you will always win again.
Self-talk, self-forgiveness and self-compassion are the key ingredients to fierce self-love. All those times we call ourselves stupid in passing or reprimand ourselves for being human add up. If you wouldn’t say it to your best-friend, don’t say it at all!
When you leave college/ trade school/ etc, you still know nothing. Don't let capitalism lie to you, learning never stops and you will never know everything THAT IS OKAY. Do not be afraid to be a beginner, EVER.
Stop Acting. None of us get paid enough to act tough or act smart or act like someone we are not. I know the beauty of vulnerability is beaten out of us in grade school but I had to learn the hard way that without vulnerability there is no connection and we are all created to connect - there is nothing to be afraid of xx
Pursue Trying. We have been sold the package of perfection for such a long time. Holding ourselves to imaginary standards that can never be achieved. The real victory is in the trying not in perfecting. Keep trying.
Be a Kind Person, Like For Real. Yelling at a customer service rep because your t-mobile bill is higher than you would like, or the gym clerk because your yoga class is too full is pointless. They work there, just like you work somewhere. They don't care about your problems enough to endure your abuse (talking to my ego too) and they shouldn’t have to. As much as you can, and in all that you do, lead with kindness and empathy.
Be Mindful. Our minds are the hardest part of our being to tackle. It leads our actions and our words more than I realized. I thought I could have a morning of negative thoughts and then go on and have a positive day and finally realized how unhealthy and unfair that was. Take care of your mind. Tell yourself the truth. The truth that includes how deeply loved you are and how much your existence matters.
You will be the villain in someone else’s story. Whew, I thought I was just the best, the coolest and the easiest to get along with. I'm not haha. None of us are. We are all complicated complex human beings and sometimes we will clash. Instead of believing you will never be the villain, take that moment to grow, learn and evolve. It will make you a better person for yourself and others.
Apologize more often. None of us are perfect and even with knowing that — our egos are still groomed to tell us otherwise. Well, EGO IS THE ENEMY. Apologize. Apologize first. I promise it will save you in the long run.
Change sucks but it’s going to happen anyway so embrace it. Guys, I hate change :/ I didn’t realize how much I hated change until change was my only option (which was a lot of times because that is life). I really don’t have a long speech here because this lesson is constant. All I can say is, if you’re not changing, you’re not growing. Change is good.
Forgive your parents I believe my generation has access to emotional language our parents just didn’t have. We have more freedom to heal, heal fully and heal publicly. When I think about my parents being in their early twenties moving to a new country, having their first child, going to school and building careers — IT sounds like a LOTTTT and yet they did it. Yes, they made mistakes along the way, but they did it. And what I’m the most grateful for now is we talk through things we wish could have been better. No, not every convo is sweet but it’s the relearning and the trying for me.
Revisit your fears. I was afraid of cooking for years. It’s kind of weird when I write it like that but I really was. I was hell bent on telling myself I wasn’t a good cook and I carried that for a long time, right into my last relationship. I realized my fear of cooking was birth from my fear of failing and disappointing people. I never gave myself the permission to try and fail and learn and discover. It was easier to just say I was bad at it, and that wasn’t true. (I’m great at it and I enjoy it!) Revisit your fears, investigate them, break them down and then… throw them hoes away.
Love is normal and beautiful. I had to learn to stop shaming myself because I cared too much, loved hard and a time or two — loved the wrong one. I told myself I didn’t care about being in a relationship in my twenties because I was too scared to say how wonderful i thought it was. I was afraid I couldn’t have it and I hate being disappointed. I was wrong, wanting love is normal! Love is the heartbeat of our existence and without it we really aren’t doing anything here. Do not let the fake “too school for cool” shaming take you away from finding and receiving love. You are love and you deserve love. Love is beautiful (not corny).
Feel your way all the way though. In my early twenties, I never allowed depression to have a seat in my mind because when I even slightly brought it up it was always met with “you just need to pray.” So much so that my prayers became pleas and that in itself felt like less of a relationship with God and more of me avoiding my feelings. Being sad sucks, but it happens to all of us. Instead of ignoring or praying it away, sit in it, feel it, learn from it, go through the stages and then move forward from there.
Don't be a slave to disappointment. When things happen that are disappointing, it is extremely normal to become self-protecting of the future. However, disappointment has a horrible way of stealing space from future joy and that is not fair. You do not owe disappointment overtime. #RejectionIsGodsProtection
Real Friendships take work. Whew... the older you get the more you grow just like all the people in your world are growing too. Patterns change, likes and wants change, new annoyances emerge, it is a part of life. But I believe when you approach friendships with fresh eyes as often as you can, it leaves room for everyone to constantly evolve individually and together. This notion of “she/ he has always been like that” is tired. Make sure you are not a reason someone feels like they can’t change in front of you and still be loved.
Upgrade your story book. If the stories you tell yourself about yourself don’t serve you anymore, GET A NEW BOOK!
You will never know everything. I remember when i was 26, i had this major freak out about how much things were changing in my career and how I wish I was “more prepared” it was hilarious because I was asking to be ready for a place that I had never been before. What I was really asking for was to skip the growing pains and unfortunately, this just isn’t possible.
Get to know yourself often. Comb through your belief systems, what drives you, what excites you, what scares you. Check in with yourself often. This builds beautiful depths of self-trust.
Fairytales change. man oh man. You were never created to be one thing, you are allowed to change your mind over and over again. Fairytales change my love.
Take SHOULD out of your vocabulary as soon as possible. “Should” is usually entangled with opinions from everyone but you. What you “should” do, who you “should be” nope! Who do you want to be? what do you want to do? That is the first and main question that matters.
Stop being nice, Be Kind. Being polite is pointless and usually depleting. Being kind creates a space for connectivity, curiosity, trust and advocacy. Niceness usually leaves us paid less, tired more and with less people around us we can trust. Forget nice, BE KIND.
New things can be scary but not because they are scary, just because they are new. YOU CAN DO IT. PERIOD.
The fear of looking stupid will actually make you feel stupid. DO NOT allow, what people may or may not say/think dictate what you think is cool, meaningful or important. The fear of “looking stupid” will have you pursing things for everyone but yourself.
Don't believe all the advice you get. Take advice with a grain of salt is so real. Filter it through what your gut is telling you, and put everything else to the side. This goes back to why self-trust is key!
No one knows what the hell they are doing. I could have said that in a nicer way but then again I really couldn’t have. This lesson here keeps me humble and also keeps me strong. We are all just a bunch of beautiful people trying to figure out how to not look broken. Some of us are working on finding the pieces and some are busy destroying other peoples pieces to avoid their own puzzle. Please, do not be the second person. WE ARE ALL ON THE JOURNEY OF FIGURING IT OUT.
Don't let the grind fool you, rest is good. Comparison, imposter syndrome, grind culture, sleep when you die...it’s all BS. We praise unhealthy habits and forget to clap for the genius who prioritizes trips to see their family or takes it seriously to get 8 hours of sleep a night. Throw the list you think will make you worthy/ happy away. The list filled with busy work that we think will bring us wholeness. It will not :/ This was and still is a hard lesson for me. I’m not saying don’t sacrifice or work hard. I’m saying distance yourself from the shame that comes with not accomplishing something. I’m saying do not buy the bells and whistles sold to us by never enough culture and I’m saying you are already worthy. Just where you are, right now. WE ARE WORTHY.
Follow your highest excitement. I just recently learned this lesson. A few weeks ago I was trying to book guests for my show #human2human and I only had 36 hours to get it done. I called my cousin and said “wow, sometimes making things happen can be so exhausting.” She asked me if I was excited about the task at hand and I said, “yes I am excited but I just hate the time crunch.” She told me to just let it be and I froze. I was like so I should just not try, she said are you trying or forcing? Her next sentence is what got me — “Follow your highest excitement,“ she said. If “trying to make this episode happen” requires you to force an opportunity, it's not your highest excitement. Funny enough, as excited as I was about the show I was more excited about going to the beach...so I did. The next day I drove to a beach an hour away from me and stayed there for 4 hours. To this day, I still think about that choice and smile. It was what I truly needed. And on the other hand the show went on. I still recorded dope episodes and have more coming down the pipeline. Everything does work out.
God is good, and so are you. We are co-creators with God. Investing in my spiritual journey has taught me that over and over again. None of us are here by accident, continue to tap in to your highest self, seek God beyond the boxes we were confined to, and be ready to actualize the gifts God already equipped you for. I’m talking to myself too
30 isn’t just an age, its an attitude. There is no right or wrong way to do MY LIFE. OVERTHINKING KILLS JOY. DO YOUUUUU. Continue to learn, grow, experiment, experience, fail, try, try again, love and bloom. I’ve been building for this. Cheers to an incredible new decade ahead…..It’s all just beginning :))
THANK YOU FOR READING AND COMING ALONG THIS JOURNEY WITH ME!! Xxx